October is a month filled with reminders to take care of ourselves.
It is World Mental Health Day on Oct 10.
It is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
And, for me, it is also my birthday month!
Perhaps that is why I have been thinking less about getting older and more about how I want to age.
At the recent 11th Malaysian Conference on Healthy Ageing in Sabah, organising chairman Dr Wong Teck Wee made a point that deserves wider attention.
Healthy ageing, he said, should not be treated as something that begins only when a person reaches old age.
It is a lifelong process shaped by our decisions, prevention and our ability to remain connected.
He also made an important distinction between lifespan and healthspan.
We may live longer, but that does not necessarily mean we spend more of those years in good health, with the ability to remain independent and do the things that matter to us.
Mental health is health
This year’s World Mental Health Day theme, “Lived experiences heard: real voices, real change”, reminds us that mental health is about real people and real lives, and about listening to those who have experienced mental health difficulties themselves.
The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that nearly one in seven people worldwide live with a mental disorder.
But mental health is not only about mental illness.
It is also about the quality of the life we are living.
Are we constantly stressed?
Are we sleeping properly?
Do we have people we can call when life becomes difficult?
Do we have something to look forward to?
Do we feel useful, valued and connected?
We spend enormous amounts of time worrying about cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar, weight and cancer – rightly so.
But perhaps we should also ask when we last laughed with a friend, sat down for an unhurried meal with family or had a conversation without looking at a screen.
Ladies, look after yourselves
October also reminds women to pay attention to their physical health.
Breast cancer remains the most commonly diagnosed cancer among women worldwide.
Awareness should not be about frightening women.
It should be about taking responsibility for our health.
Do not put your own health at the bottom of the family’s to-do list!
Women are often exceptionally good at looking after everyone else.
And somewhere along the way, our own needs can become an afterthought.
Looking after ourselves is not selfish.
It is part of remaining present for the people we love.
There is another part of ageing we should talk about more openly: menopause.
For many women, this change arrives when life is already demanding, with maturing careers, ageing parents, children leaving home, relationships, financial responsibilities and the growing realisation that we too are getting older.
The hormonal changes involved can affect sleep, mood, emotional well-being, body composition, bone health and cardiovascular risk.
For some women, menopause comes with quiet fears they rarely voice: fears about becoming less desirable, fears about their changing bodies, and in certain cultural contexts, even fears that their husbands may look elsewhere.
These worries are not about menopause itself, but about the expectations society places on women to remain youthful, agreeable and unchanging.
We don’t have to look 35 at 55. We don’t have to pretend that nothing has changed.
We simply need to understand what is happening to our bodies, and give ourselves permission to change with them.
Following the basics
Then there is our relationship with food.
There seems to be an endless parade of viral cafés, elaborate desserts, oversized drinks and food crazes that suddenly appear all over our social media feeds.
We queue for them. We photograph them. We post them.
But when you look at what is actually in them, there is an awful lot of sugar, calories, cream and butter – delicious, certainly, but perhaps not something we need every other day.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with enjoying food.
The question is not “Can I ever eat this?”, but rather, “Do I need this so often?”
Perhaps we have made looking after ourselves unnecessarily complicated.
We are constantly being told what to buy, what to drink, which supplement to take and which new food is supposedly going to transform our health.
But most of us already know the basics.
Eat fewer meals. Drink more plain water. Cut down on sugary drinks and highly-processed foods.
The real challenge is often not knowing what to do, but doing the ordinary things consistently enough for them to make a difference.
We don’t need to make wellness another performance; we just need to live a little more consciously.
Connect in person
There is another habit worth examining: the amount of time we spend online.
We have never been more connected technologically, yet many people feel increasingly disconnected personally.
We can spend an hour scrolling through other people’s holidays, meals, opinions and achievements – and still not have had one meaningful conversation.
Perhaps one of the most important things we can do for our well-being is to protect our real-world relationships.
Call a friend. Meet someone for coffee. Visit an elderly relative.
Join a walking group. Have lunch with an old colleague. Talk to your neighbour.
And when you are sitting across the table from someone you care about, put the phone away.
Look at them. Listen. Be present.
Because no algorithm can replace the comfort of human connection.
Free healthy actions
But isn’t all this easier if you have the means?
I can already imagine someone thinking: Easy for you to say. You have the means.
And that is a fair point.
Wellness cannot become another privilege available mainly to those who can afford organic food, private health screening, expensive supplements, personal trainers or wellness retreats.
People do not all start from the same place.
Telling someone struggling to make ends meet simply to “eat better” without acknowledging the cost of food, time and transport is neither realistic nor compassionate.
There is a role for society here: affordable nutritious food, accessible healthcare and screening, safe places to walk and exercise, age-friendly communities, mental health support and opportunities for people to remain socially connected.
But many things that help us stay well are still within reach.
A walk costs nothing. A conversation costs nothing. Putting the phone away costs nothing.
Making time for someone we care about may be one of the most valuable things we can give.
Perhaps the greatest misconception is that we need to buy our way into a better life – we don’t.
Ageing can be challenging
For all the beautiful words we use about ageing – grace, wisdom, resilience, experience – let us be honest: Ageing is not easy.
Your body changes.
People you love begin to age too. Parents may become dependent on you.
Friends may become ill. Some may even disappear from your life altogether.
There can be changes in work, finances, appearance and independence.
Sometimes you look in the mirror and realise that the person looking back at you is changing faster than the person you still feel yourself to be inside.
And there are moments when you simply don’t feel like being “positive” about it.
I think we should allow ourselves that honesty.
Growing older does not mean pretending that everything is wonderful.
It means finding ways to navigate the difficult parts without losing ourselves along the way.
We cannot stop time, but perhaps we can decide how we meet it.
More good years
My birthday month has made me think about what I really want from the years ahead.
Not necessarily more years, but more good years.
More years in which I remain curious.
More years in which I can still get up and go somewhere simply because I want to.
More years of conversations with people I love.
More years of laughter, friendship, purpose, and perhaps even a little mischief.
More years in which I look after my mind as carefully as I look after my body.
And when the difficult days come – because they will – more resilience to meet them.
Perhaps that is what ageing well should really mean.
Not trying desperately to stay young. Not chasing every wellness fad. Not measuring our worth by how we look or how many years we have left.
But making the years we have count.
So yes, take care of your body and your mind.
Get the screenings that are appropriate for you.
Stay connected. Ask for help when you need it.
And don’t forget to live.
Because the goal is not simply a longer life; it is a life with more good years in it.
Che Puan Muda Zaheeda Mohamad Ariff is the Raja Puan Muda of Kedah, a trained lawyer and Royal Patron of the Malaysian Mental Health Association. For more information, email starhealth@thestar.com.my. The information provided is for educational and communication purposes only, and it should not be construed as personal medical advice. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, functionality, usefulness or other assurances as to the content appearing in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses, damage to property or personal injury suffered directly or indirectly from reliance on such information.
